How to Stop a Bad Toast
Employ humor.
Call on the same techniques hecklers use at comedy clubs: loud, insincere laughter; throwing food; and snarky commentary (“Are you going to finish this toast by their first anniversary?”). Acting drunk may also help.
Cue the band.
Ask the wedding planner or an esteemed family member to tell the band leader to interrupt with rousing music to drown out the toast.
Wait for a pause, then execute the “slow clap.”
Start a loud, slow clap—approximately one clap per second. After about 15 seconds, others will join in, until the entire room is clapping for the toast maker. Continue clapping until he leaves the stage.
Talk over the toast.
Grab another microphone from the band or deejay and say, “Thanks so much for those warm wishes. Let’s move on and _________ [fill in blank with ‘raise a toast,’ ‘cut the cake,’ ‘dance,’ ‘hear from Grandpa’].”
Ask the maid of honor to give the toast maker a big kiss.
A passionate kiss in front of everyone will bring cheers and silence the speaker.
Interrupt the toast maker with a bear hug.
“Cover the toast maker with an emotional hug while taking the microphone out of his hands and say, “Thank you so much for your kind words.”
Create a distraction.
Tilt your chair and fall over backward, begin a fire at your table with candles and napkins, or drop and smash the centerpiece—any action that will derail the speaker.
Be Aware
Schedule toasts to take place before or at the beginning of dinner. Do not wait until the cake cutting when many guests have had the opportunity to consume alcohol during cocktail hour, dinner, and dancing.
Set a limit of three or four toasts—never have an open microphone. If other friends wish to make toasts, schedule them to take place at the rehearsal dinner.